Henry Fox had always been such a perfect little star for his grandmother to micromanage and make an example of.
His grandmother had him start working when he was around fourteen, justifying it by pointing to different artists and telling him when they started and their levels of fame as the years progressed.
When Henry was fifteen, he blew up. A slow, piano cover version of Rocket Man by Elton John skyrocketed to popularity, catapulting him to viral status, where he occupied the number one trending spot and front page of YouTube for several days.
After the original discovery of his voice, the world discovered his lyrics. His penchant for poetry made him a good writer, and his aspirations to major in English were clear. He was gifted lyrically, vocally, and musically, said critics. He was the perfect star.
Henry knew early on that he was gay. It was intrinsic, even if he didn’t have the words to express it when he was young. He’d never liked girls as anything more than good friends.
That alone meant that Henry was heavily censoring himself in his music, changing pronouns and coming up with names that rhymed, creating false stories in order to hide his queer identity from the world. And, on top of that, any music deemed too experimental or controversial was not allowed. Raunchy music, allusions to hookups at Uni, anything about the feelings of inadequacy that he felt growing up and working under Mary Mountchristen were strictly prohibited, lest people start catching on to the unethical practices.
Henry was sixteen when his father got a cancer diagnosis. It was only a year after he’d blown up, and he was in the middle of working on an EP to start making hype around his original music instead of covers. His father told them over dinner. Henry threw up later that night.
“I have something rather serious to tell you. I have gotten a diagnosis, and it turns out that I have pancreatic cancer. It’s in the late stages, they don’t know if they will be able to treat it properly.”
All Henry wanted to do was cling to his father and cry. The man who had protected him from any sort of harmful contracts, paparazzi, people who wanted to take advantage of his naivete; Henry couldn’t imagine himself going on without his father. He wanted to scream and cry and hold on as tight as he could. But his Gran didn’t seem to care.
The day of his father’s first treatment session, Henry was forced into the studio, to write and record for the EP. The producers looked at him with sad eyes as he sobbed into his knees, unable to think of anything except his father, trying to write but he couldn’t get the words out onto the paper. They let him cry.
He remembered more instances of this, being forced away from his father or things that were important to him in favor of working on his EP. He didn’t want to, he just wanted to be a kid and hold onto his dad as tightly as possible while he still could. He watched as his dad grew more and more frail, started losing his hair, started thinning out, and it hurt as if Henry was the one going through it.
When Henry was seventeen, his father passed away in his sleep. The doctor said it was painless, but Henry had seen the pain wracking his father’s body in his waking hours. Knowing that all of his suffering had only bought them a measly year made Henry want to scream. If there had ever been any belief in God drilled into him by Mary Mountchristen, it all dissipated in that moment.
His mother went catatonic. She stayed in the house most of the time. Henry didn’t hear from her or see her. He found out she’d flown to Botswana a few months later, and he was almost certain he’d never hear from her again if he didn’t reach out.
Bea turned to drugs. Alcohol and cocaine were her substances of choice, and Henry almost lost her too. The only thing that brought her back from bloody noses and mints to hide her breath was Henry’s shaking sobs as he admitted that he was gay; that he was scared and needed his big sister.
Pip turned into their grandmother, spending all of his time learning from her how to run the company, how to make them successful like Mary had. He started lecturing Henry and Bea, screaming at them, making snide comments. He’d never done that before. Gran was turning them against each other. Isolation was the best tool for manipulation.
Henry didn’t do any of that. He went numb. He stayed in his room and cried a lot for the first few months. He was almost unable to move. Then he was just… empty. The numbness was worse, because at least when he was crying he felt like he was living. Living miserably, but still living. Now, he drifted through the days as if he wasn’t even there. He wasn’t quite sure he was there most of the time. He tried a lot of things to prove to himself that he had the capacity to feel, but it never lasted. Sex, alcohol, dancing, self-harm, none of it made him feel real after a while. Habits were picked up, of course. He had a bit of a “slu*t era” in Uni, and he often found himself habitually twirling a razor blade around his fingers, both just to prove he was alive, but it was hardly helpful.
Soon, the numbness turned to anger. Henry was mad at the world, mad at anyone who looked at him, mad at the fact there were so many terrible people (his grandmother) that got to live long lives and his father didn’t even make it to his late fifties, mad that he had to live when his father couldn’t.
Of course, Mary had no regard for a mourning period, so his EP was finished a few months after his father’s death and he was sent to a bunch of events to network and promote himself. That did well to make him more angry.
So, there he was, seventeen and pissed off at a Grammy’s pre-party, not even able to drink because there were cameras everywhere. His manager, Shaan, had been subjected to his complaining for the whole evening, and had witnessed Henry get more and more overwhelmed and frustrated the entire night.
“I don’t want to be here, Shaan,” He muttered, for the hundredth time it seemed, and Shaan just sighed.
“We can leave soon, but Mary has insisted we’re here for an acceptable amount of time,” Shaan said, tapping his fingers on the table. “Why don’t you go and splash some water on your face in the restroom? A small break isn’t the end of the world.”
Henry just ran a hand over his face and nodded, standing up. As he made his way over to the bathroom, he was stopped by several big name celebrities that he had looked up to for his entire life and he couldn’t even appreciate it. He was so overwhelmed. If one more person touched him, he swore he was going to freak out.
Then, Henry saw him. Alex — more commonly known as ACD — the sixteen year old who had just put out his very first EP and had blown up, much like Henry had. Henry knew about him, of course, being in similar circ*mstances.
Alex was beautiful, Henry had already known, but seeing him in pictures obviously did not do him enough justice, because Henry felt the air knocked out of his lungs. Then Alex was looking at him. Henry felt himself flush.
Alex smiled and suddenly, the world came crashing down around him. This wasn’t a normal situation, where Henry could smile and talk to this pretty boy and they could have something. Henry could never have a teen romance that burns out fast like his peers. He couldn’t have it with anyone, but there was no way with someone like Alex.
He was bright, burning, fiery. Henry knew if Alex even came close to him, he would set Henry on fire and he would be absolutely ruined for anyone else. Alex would ruin him. Henry couldn’t afford for that to happen, not now, not under his grandmother’s watchful eye. He started to panic as the warmth that was Alex drew closer and closer.
“Hi, I’m Alex. You’re Henry, right?” Alex said, smile bright, head tilted to the side, a small laugh on his lips that Henry couldn’t help but watch.
(Henry had seen those lips before. He remembered scrolling through Twitter, searching his own name, and finding an article.
“The Phenomenon of Upcoming Teen Artists
By: Julia Davies
From Billie Eilish to Henry Fox, the latest charting musicians seem to be getting younger and younger! I certainly cannot find it in me to complain about it, the talent these young artists are bringing to the table is phenomenal. Today, we’re going over some of the best charting and underrated young artists.
…
2. Henry Fox
[Image Description: Henry at fifteen from his first magazine spread, wearing a button-up with a loose fitting tie and slacks, smiling brightly at the camera]
Henry Fox blew up recently for a cover of Rocketman by Elton John on his YouTube channel. The young singer then signed with his family’s record label and produced his first album, all before turning seventeen!
Fox is now up for two GRAMMYs, Best New Artist, and Best Debut Album. He has some serious competition, even some others on this list!
…
9. ACD
[Image Description: ACD on the cover of Teen Vogue, a sleeveless shirt with a slight crop and ripped baggy jeans, a tie loosely hung around his neck, sunglasses on, fitting the ‘Y2K’ aesthetic associated with his EP]
ACD, real name Alex, is a sixteen year old pop-punk artist who has cited his inspirations as early 2000s bands like Paramore. This style can be heavily seen in his first EP and his few singles that have followed. His lyrics may not be as poetic as Henry Fox, however he makes up for it in incredible instrumental and catchy choruses.
He has recently been nominated for Best Rock Song, and has received a lot of critical acclaim for both his singing voice and his incredible music, all of which he plays himself!”
Henry had been utterly bewitched when he had seen the photo of Alex and had found himself going on a deep dive into the fellow singer. By the end of it, his secret stan account was filled with photos and stans of ACD, and several ‘Daily ACD Photos’ accounts in his following. So it was safe to say he recognized almost every feature of the boy standing in front of him.)
“Um.. yes, hi, I’m Henry. Pleasure,” Henry rushed out, offering a handshake to Alex. He pulled his hand away quickly after Alex let go, the buzzing feeling under his skin turning white hot upon contact. “Sorry, I have to..” Henry gestured vaguely before bolting towards the bathroom, but not before catching the dejected look on Alex’s face.
Henry knew he had just ruined any chance that he had to befriend Alex. He couldn’t explain why he panicked, why he fled. “Hey, sorry I ran away from you, your hand touching mine set me on fire and I know you would ruin me,” sounded much too insane to tell someone he had just met.
After locking himself in the bathroom, scrubbing down his hands, and splashing water onto his face and the back of his neck, he was starting to feel normal again. The realization that he had essentially just snubbed the boy he had a crush on hit him full throttle. He took another deep breath. He could never take that back.
Henry had always been told that he felt things too deeply, and in that moment, he swore the word spun and he felt sick. He felt progressively sicker every time he saw a snide jab at himself from Alex in interviews or online — vague-posts about him being a nepo-baby, or just critical comments that Henry could understand were subtextually directed at himself and how Alex perceived him. He felt awful. He wished they’d met at a different time, under different circ*mstances.
Mary Mountchristen sat Henry down in the evening after his eighteenth birthday.
“Henry, I came here to discuss with you the matter of your contract. As you have turned eighteen, you are no longer bound by the contract your parents signed for you when you were fifteen. I have printed up a new contract for you to sign,” Mary placed several papers down in front of him, stapled together.
Henry skimmed through the words, not caring enough about Mary’s ramblings to listen. He found a section entitled Relationships and Publicity.
“Gran, what is this section?” Henry asked, reproachful.
“Oh, well it’s standard in all young pop artists' contracts. Public relationships are bad for the brand you are trying to project. The star that all of the girls believe they will have a chance with,” Mary said nonchalantly. “As well as the fact that it doesn’t take an investigator to see your… proclivities. Any relationship like that is completely unacceptable for your own and this company’s image.”
Henry’s eyes almost bulged out of his head as he stared at his grandmother. “What?” He stuttered out.
“You heard me, Henry, dear,” Mary said, patting his cheek. “It’s quite standard, really. All of it.”
Henry kept looking at Mary as if she had grown a second head. It was like he short circuited at the shock from being confronted firsthand with his sexuality. He had only actively told one person, he had only talked about it with two, and Mary bringing it up out of the blue shook him in a way he couldn’t explain. He found himself sitting in his room later, contract signed and breathing deeply as the overwhelmed feeling returned.
He couldn’t be himself under his label. He had signed away his rights to being himself publicly the moment that he wrote his name on that dotted line, and he knew it. So he took a deep breath and decided to just suck it up.
He tucked it away in his mind the way he did with all things, he compartmentalized the feelings until he couldn’t recognize them anymore. He felt sixteen again, numb to the world. But this time, he wasn’t angry about it. He couldn’t find it in himself to be angry. Apathy and sadness, maybe, but never anger.
For years, Henry sat on these feelings, convincing himself that it really wasn’t that bad that his grandmother had control over every aspect of his public life and image, that he was content to live a lie if it meant keeping his fame. But, of course, ACD wiggled his way into Henry’s life. Henry scolded himself for being so into a straight guy. He needed to get over it.
—
Henry was twenty-two and nominated for another Grammy. He had already won once, for his second album when he was nineteen, so he wasn’t too invested in the results. Being a two-time Grammy winner would be cool, but it wasn’t something that he felt that he needed to have, and he was up against some very talented people who deserved the award and had yet to receive it.
He was invited to a pre-party and Shaan told him that he was expected to make an appearance. So, he let his stylist dress him in a black suit with a black button-up under it, and he found himself posing for cameras on the red carpet outside of the venue.
He kept noticing Alex Claremont-Diaz across the room, stood with his sister June and his supposed-girlfriend Nora Holleran. He noticed Alex getting progressively drunker as the night continued. He was nearly swaying on his feet as he finally made his way towards Henry.
Henry excused himself from his conversation with Sabrina Carpenter as Alex approached, turning to shoot a look at the other man.
“Heennryyy!” Alex called, clapping him on the shoulder as he got closer.
“Alex,” Henry grimaced at the smell of tequila on Alex’s breath from the shots he’d just clearly been doing.
“Congratulations on the nomination. But I guess that’s what happens when your grandmother is your manager and has connections in the industry.”
“My grandmother is not my manager, she owns the management company,” Henry raised an eyebrow at Alex.
“Oh, wow, that makes you sound less like a nepo-baby,” Alex laughed bitterly.
Henry just smiled tightly. “I’ll speak to you later, ACD, congrats on the nominations as well,” Henry turned to leave.
The next thing he knew, a hand gripped his bicep and pulled him backwards, and Henry slipped. In slipping, he pulled Alex down with him. Right into the decorative champagne flutes on the wall. Henry felt a sting on his cheek and heard a groan from beside him, looking around to see the whole room staring at them.
“Jesus f*cking Christ,” Henry muttered, seeing Alex blinking blearily at him.
The next few hours were a blur of PR workers talking at him, his family members yelling about how bad this looked, and trying to scrub the smell of champagne off of his face. The solution that was agreed on by PR while he took an inordinately long shower was faking a friendship with ACD — claiming they were just having a friendly interaction and were both just a little too drunk. He would be spending time around Alex much more than usual.
The thing was that Henry had never gotten over the crush he had been harboring on Alex. No matter how many rude names or passive aggressive jabs that came from the man, Henry could never stop feeling like he was engulfed in flames when Alex looked at him. He almost craved it. That look in Alex’s eyes, the hatred that burned bright and hot… Henry was just a man — a poor, gay man who burned hot under any attention from his supposed enemy.
So spending an unforeseeable amount of time around Alex and attempting to act normal seemed like a Herculean effort. He greeted Alex outside of the park in which they agreed to meet, so they could get photographed walking to a cafe before their joint interview.
“Alex, it’s good to see you… sober,” Henry snarked. Alex made a slight mocking face.
“Well, hello to you too, Your Majesty. What a good way to start off the day in which we have to pretend to be friends,” Alex frowned.
“Shall we start walking? We do have a schedule.”
“Oh my god, I wouldn’t want to screw up the schedule,” Alex said, in a horribly exaggerated British accent.
Henry didn’t dignify it with a response and turned to walk away, leaving Alex to scramble after him to keep up the friendship-facade.
Henry rolled his eyes when he saw the group of photographers outside of the cafe, but put on a smile and looked at Alex. “Cameras,” Henry explained. “Friends, remember?”
Alex rolled his eyes as well, then laughed and threw an arm around Henry’s shoulders as they crossed the street and entered the door to the cafe. The moment they were far enough from the door, the two tore away from each other’s touch like it was scorching them. At least, that’s how it felt to Henry. Burning, burning, burning.
The two sat down in a booth in the back. Alex ordered a large black coffee, while Henry ordered a London Fog. They sat in relative silence as they drank their drinks.
“So, what’s your whole issue?” Alex broke the silence.
“Pardon?” Henry asked, clear offense in his tone.
“You keep looking around with this annoyed face. What, is it too dirty for your posh sensibilities, Your Highness?”
Henry frowned. “I didn’t know I was doing that. Also no, I do not know where your idea that I am a British snob came from, but I have absolutely no issue with this coffee shop. In fact, I come here quite often.”
“I think you’re a British snob because you’ve acted like one since the day we met,” Alex raised an eyebrow.
“What? No, I absolutely did not.”
“You did. That first Grammy pre-party was when we met, and you acted like a total dick!” Alex said, growing visibly agitated. “I came up to you to introduce myself, and you looked at me like I was dirt under your shoe and totally brushed me off! You looked like your hand was infected after I shook it.”
Henry closed his eyes and took a breath. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I was a dick. I just… I really, really did not want to be at that event. It’s no excuse, but I was not the person anyone wanted to be around at that time. My father had died not too long before, and I was just angry at the entire world, so I lashed out, and my grandmother kept forcing these events on me, so I was quite unhappy. I was attempting to get to the bathroom so I wouldn’t cry when you stopped me, and I immediately knew I had blown any chance to be your friend.”
Alex looked at him like he had grown a second head. Or more accurately, like Alex’s entire view of Henry was shifting. “Oh,” Alex finally said, after another stretch of silence. “Well, now I feel like I should apologize.”
“Really, please don’t. I don’t hold it against you. I felt horrible the second I ran.”
Alex was silent again. Henry took a sip of his drink. “So… maybe we could start over?” Alex said finally.
Henry looked back at Alex’s face. He saw the apologetic face, the hope in his eyes, something else Henry couldn’t place. He smiled softly. “Hi, I’m Henry Fox, it’s nice to meet you. I’m a big fan.” He stuck a hand out for Alex to shake.
Alex laughed a little, then took Henry’s hand. “I’m Alex Claremont-Diaz, nice to meet you too.”
—
Henry thought that watching Alex from afar was difficult. It was nothing compared to being his friend.
After that day in the coffee shop, their PR friendship became something genuine. It was tentative, but they were actually making progress, and Henry considered Alex to be a friend. Their apology appearances and shared events became less of a chore and more something they looked forward to.
The interview they had after their coffee went smoothly, and people started believing their facade, maybe because they were starting to believe it too.
But now that Henry knew what it was to be Alex’s friend, he couldn’t help but want more. Henry knew ACD, he knew the performance, the fashion, the face, the confidence, and he loved it all. Now, he knew Alex. He knew Alex’s insecurity, his love for everyone, his desire to be better, his quiet moments, his favorite things aside from the persona. He saw a sleepy Alex over facetime, with glasses that Henry didn’t know he wore. He saw Alex’s pre-public routine where he had to hype himself up with that fake smile. He saw the real smile behind the publicity one.
It hurt possibly more to be Alex’s friend instead of ACD’s enemy. He was still burning.
When the invite rolled in for a Gala on New Year’s, along with an excited text from Alex, he knew he had to show up.
“Hazza, my love, you are smitten,” Henry’s best friend, Pez, said over the phone.
“God, do I know it,” Henry sighed. “Will you please be my plus one? I’m going to die without you, Pez, please?”
“Only if you promise to introduce me to Alex’s sister. And his friend, too.”
Henry had been under the belief that Alex had been dating Nora, just like the rest of the world, until he had off-handedly mentioned something about it to Alex. Alex had burst out laughing, claiming that he could never envision himself with Nora long-term, and what they had was long gone. They just liked to play with the press sometimes.
After finding out this information, Pez’s half-joking obsession with Alex’s sister, June, started to include Nora. Henry had been at the receiving end of much lamenting from Pez. He called it payback for years of Henry rambling about Alex. Henry supposed that was fair.
“Fine, I will try and get you in with the loves of your life,” Henry said.
“Then I will be going. I insist on you letting me dress you.”
“Absolutely not, that job is for the stylists I hire, not you,” Henry said with a laugh. Pez was very… extreme in his fashion. Something Henry was not allowed to be.
“I was a stylist in another life, I’m certain. Please, Haz?”
“Fine. You can pick a part of the outfit. And I get veto rights.”
That was how Henry sported a baby blue, embroidered floral suit jacket, with a beige undershirt and matching pants, and a white tie. His stylist did a good job making the suit jacket not stand out too much, but it was still more out-there than a lot of the outfits he had worn in the past. However, Alex did claim he wouldn’t be seen with Henry if he wore a boring outfit, so he was grateful for Pez’s flair.
Henry and Pez were some of the most talked about at the event, if not only for Pez’s over the top outfit. He had bright pink hair to match his pink vest with a flowing white dress. He was also wearing a petticoat underneath to make it appear even poofier. That, paired with jewelry and embellishments all over the outfit, and the matching makeup and sparkles (which Pez had insisted on smearing on Henry’s cheeks and eyes as well), he was one of the best dressed at the party.
The red carpet moved fast, and once inside, Henry managed to find Alex.
“Look who it is!” Alex laughed, walking quickly towards Henry, who couldn’t help but laugh at the familiarity of the action, even though last time it ended in disaster. He grabbed a drink from a table and met Alex halfway. “Nice outfit, I was expecting it to be just a black tux or something.”
“Oh no, my best mate guaranteed I had something colorful tonight,” Henry smiled. “Oh, speaking of. This is Percy Okonjo, my best mate.”
“Lovely to finally meet you, Alexander. From how much I hear about you from dear old Hazza, you’d think I’d already know everything about you. Please, call me Pez. Or Auntie Pezza, if you prefer,” Pez offered a hand to Alex.
“Aww, Hen, you talk about me?” Alex said, shaking Pez’s hand with a smirk.
“Oh, you would be surprised. How, Haz, what you promised me?” Pez said with a faux-innocent smile.
Henry sighed. “When Pez heard that Nora and June would be accompanying you, he made me swear I would introduce him to them. Do you happen to know where they have gone off to?”
“I believe they’re over by the bar. My sister, though, really?” Alex made a face.
“She is a goddess among women, Alexander. I must introduce myself at once,” Pez said, before twirling away and towards where Henry could catch a glimpse of June.
“He acts the same as he does in the press,” Alex laughed as Pez walked away.
“Oh, yes. That’s just how he is,” Henry smiled.
“You act quite differently, though,” Alex said, seemingly considering as he spoke.
“Really?” Henry asked. He knew he put on a public persona, but he wasn’t sure how noticeable it really was to those that spoke to him.
“Yeah, you’re much more, like, fun in real life. You always seemed so… uptight in the interviews. Charming, but like you didn’t want to be there. Like, haughty, I guess,” Alex said. “But you don’t act like that when it’s just us. You seem much more… human — that’s the only way I can put it. You just seem to come alive whenever you’re away from the cameras.”
“I suppose that’s an accurate statement. I have always hated doing press. I have a lot of things I’m not allowed to say, and I have a lot that I wish I could. I just tend to dread it.”
“Why can’t you say it?” Alex asked.
“I can’t tell you that. I think I’m legally binded against telling you that. But that’s the only answer you really need.” Henry took a sip of his drink as Alex understood what he was saying.
“But… isn’t your grandmother the head of your team?”
“She’s the one who made up the contract,” Henry raised an eyebrow.
“Oh.” Alex furrowed his brows.
“Yeah.” Henry said. Awkward silence ensued. Neither quite knew how to fill it.
“Want to dance?” Alex asked.
“Sure,” Henry smiled.
Around two hours passed of drinking, dancing, and socializing, both with each other and their fellow celebrities. About hour three, Henry was starting to get overwhelmed with the socializing and found his way out of a back entrance. He stood against the wall and prayed it was clean enough that it didn’t make a mark on his expensive jacket. He took a deep breath.
“Prince Charming hiding from the guests, huh?” Henry turned to see Alex, carrying his jacket, leaned against the wall.
“I just wanted some air,” Henry shrugged.
“Fair,” Alex nodded once. “Come with me?”
“Where,” Henry asked tentatively.
“Aww, don’t you trust me, Fox?” Alex tilted his head to the side with a grin that nearly melted Henry.
“God, unfortunately I do. Let’s go, then.”
Alex’s grin widened. He grabbed Henry’s hand and pulled him out of the alleyway. They walked in relative silence as Henry followed Alex down winding roads, but a comfortable one. They basked in the sounds of the city at night instead of meaningless chatter.
“Here we are,” Alex said, tugging Henry along as they reached a large flowering tree, with vines with flowers that hung so low that you couldn’t see past them. Alex pulled Henry through the branches and towards a bench that looked out over a grassy patch.
“What is this?” Henry asked.
“It’s just somewhere I found while I was wandering around. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
“It really is,” Henry said, breathless.
The usual urge to kiss Alex became entirely overwhelming as he glanced to find Alex staring at him. His eyes sparkled in excitement as he watched Henry. His smile was wide and bright. Henry wanted to kiss him so bad.
Before he could even move to make that decision, however, Alex walked to the bench and plopped down, watching the night sky. Henry creeped over and sat beside him. He took a moment to compose himself.
“Do you ever wonder who you might’ve been if you didn’t do music? If you didn’t blow up?” Henry asked.
Alex seemed to be considering. This was something Henry loved, that Alex would be asked a question and he would take time to answer, that he truly cared about giving the answer he felt was correct. “I think… I would be in politics. Or maybe law. That’s what I grew up around, a lot of politics in my house. I even thought about going to NYU for Law, but the whole music thing popped up before I could really make those types of plans.” Alex said, pausing. “Who would you be?”
Henry took a deep breath. “I think I would be a writer. Maybe a poet. I would’ve finished my English degree, then maybe moved to Paris, maybe written a book. I would certainly date more, as well.”
Alex snorted. “Yeah, because it would be so hard for you to find a date,” He giggled. Henry didn’t, and that confused Alex.
“You’d certainly be surprised,” Henry ran a hand through his hair.
“Well, I get the fame aspect, but there are plenty of people in similar positions that would be happy to go out with you. I mean, hell, that one model from earlier was practically flinging herself at you,” Alex said with a laugh. Oh, how it burned.
“Well, the people I can date don’t interest me, and the people who interest me, I can’t date.”
“What does that mean? Why not?”
Henry was on fire now, the heat was rushing to his face and he was dangerously close to making a horrible decision. He was burning.
“You really are thick, aren’t you?” Henry said. Alex frowned, confused, and Henry couldn’t control himself.
Their lips pressed together and Henry was certain his body burst into literal flames. He pressed closer and closer still, Alex’s hands on his waist, Henry’s in Alex’s hair, tugging. Hands found the dip in his waist, the bottom of his ribcage, his shoulder blade. Henry’s found the back of Alex’s neck. Burning. Too much.
Suddenly, Henry jerked away. He looked at Alex’s face, who seemed confused, mouth still hanging open in apparent shock. Henry felt sick to his stomach.
“I’m so sorry,” Henry whispered, before standing and hurrying away, back to the gala, away from where Alex sat frozen and away from the best thing that had ever happened to him.
—
Two months.
That was how long Henry managed to run from
what he had done. From Alex. Two measly, miserable months.
Going from talking to Alex every single day to ignoring every attempt at contact was hard. He had Alex’s contact muted, he didn’t look at the messages, he didn’t want to see the confirmation that Alex hated him, that he was disgusted. So, he hid.
Shaan was able to keep him away from any potential events that Alex would be attending for two months. Until they were both nominated for a music award. And Gran was requiring him to go.
“I’m going to die,” Henry lamented to Pez over the phone.
“You will not. Go and kiss him silly, it will solve all of your problems.” Henry just hung up on his best friend.
The event itself was enjoyable. He did enjoy socializing with his peers, and he would always enjoy some expensive food, but he kept shifting in his seat, glancing at Alex, who kept staring at him. Anxiety built as the night progressed, until it all came to a head.
Henry was talking with the bassist of a band he followed, when Alex walked up beside the two.
“Oh, Jules, how’s it going?”
“Oh, hey Alex. It’s good, how’s everything with you?” Jules smiled at Alex, who smiled tightly:
“Same, all’s been pretty great. Hey, would you mind if I borrowed Henry for a quick moment?”
“No worries, I was about to get another drink. See you around, Henry.” Henry watched as Jules turned and walked away, feeling the pit of dread darken in his stomach.
Alex took Henry by the arm and made his way through the crowd and into the bathroom. It was a single use, so the door closed behind them and Henry knew they were alone. He was terrified.
“Look, I— I’m really sorry about—” Henry tried to stutter out some apology, but Alex quickly interrupted him.
“Shut all the way up,” Alex said, and Henry braced himself for every possibility he could imagine.
But nothing could prepare him for the way Alex grabbed his face and brought him into a searing kiss. Henry was surprised, but immediately started kissing back. It was his turn to find the dip of Alex’s hip, and for Alex’s hands to run through Henry’s hair. They bumped against the wall and Henry pressed Alex into it. He pulled away, and both of them were breathing heavily.
“Wanna go back to mine after the event?” Alex asked, canines sharp as he grinned.
Henry huffed out a breathy laugh as he rested his head against Alex’s shoulder. “Yeah.”
—
As Henry picked his shirt up off of the floor, he glanced around the room. He hadn’t had much time for examining the space before Alex had been all over him, so he took the opportunity now.
There were photos all over the walls of Alex, June, and Nora — both separately and together. There were a few polaroids that were clearly old, that showed little Alex and his family. There were little notes pinned up on a corkboard near the bed, along with a mess of papers on a desk. It was all very Alex, and Henry loved every bit of it.
“Sorry about the mess,” Alex said, sounding a little anxious from his spot on the bed. “I was hopeful we’d end up here, but I didn’t really clean the space.”
“No, it’s alright. It’s like a deeper look into you. I like it,” Henry said, turning to look at Alex, who was blushing as he pulled a pajama shirt over his head.
“Can’t just say sh*t like that,” Alex muttered, though there was no heat behind it.
The silence that followed was comfortable, as both of them contemplated.
“So… just to inform you, because I hadn’t before, I’m bisexual,” Alex broke the silence.
Henry snorted, not expecting that to be where the conversation was heading. “Noted.” He continued as Alex looked at him expectantly. “Oh, just to inform you, I am as gay as… a maypole.”
Alex laughed at that. “What even is a maypole? Are they known for their hom*osexual tendencies?”
“Oh, notorious.” Henry laughed as well. “I just wanted to say that I would thoroughly enjoy doing this again. If we keep it casual, of course.”
“I was going to say the same thing.” Alex lit up. “And casual, yeah, I can do that.”
“Good. Well, I think we have some… event soon enough, so… I’ll text you.” Henry said, buttoning his shirt. He hovered awkwardly around leaving, and Alex seemed to read Henry’s mind.
“C’mon man, I just had my dick in your mouth, you can kiss me goodnight,” Alex laughed, and Henry rolled his eyes. He pressed another kiss to Alex’s lips and stood.
“I’ll see you soon,” Henry said as he exited the room.
The door closed behind him and Henry’s smile fell. What had he gotten himself into?
—
Being with Alex hurt. Seeing him how Henry so desperately wanted to, but knowing he could never have more; that hurt more than he expected it to.
He thought he could handle it. He could have a taste of what it would be like to be loved by Alex, then he could stop being so obsessed, but Henry swore it was the opposite. He was probably more in love with Alex than he ever had been.
The plus side was that he got to have frequent hookups with the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. And he was making great music.
Henry hummed as he played notes on the piano, feeling out a song he knew would never see the light of day as long as Gran had anything to say about it.
“Touch me, baby, put your lips on mine,” He sang quietly, trying to find the right key. “You say we’re going to hell, but it’ll probably be fine… or, might go to hell…” He scribbled down his notes and went back to the keys.
The door swung in and Henry looked up to see a sleepy Alex looking at him, wrapped in a blanket and trying to fix his bedhead. It was a new thing, sleeping over, it made it all feel so much more real.
“What are you doing, baby? It’s, like, five in the morning. Come back,” Alex pouted. Baby was also new.
“Sorry, love, inspiration struck,” Henry smiled at how endearing Alex was, rubbing his eyes with a yawn while also trying to look angry at Henry.
“Can I hear it?” Alex sat next to Henry on the bench, resting his head on Henry’s shoulder.
“It’s just a draft, I can bring you into the studio in a few days and I can get a real instrumental going.”
“I wanna hear it now, though.” Alex pouted.
“Alright, love,” Henry said.
He began to play some chords he thought would go well, skipping over the very incomplete verses. Alex listened, enraptured and watching Henry’s hands as he sung a song that both of them knew was about Alex. This became commonplace, playing songs about each other while pretending not to know, listening to one talk about the other without commenting on it.
Henry noticed a discernible shift in Alex’s work. Where normally, he was about loud noise and pop-punk aesthetics, his music was becoming more pop as the songs became more and more romance-centric. Of course, Henry still would hear the occasional anti-establishment sentiment in front of drums and techno samples, but Henry would often find him near the piano, playing while humming to himself, slower and more deliberate melodies flowing.
And Henry loved Alex’s usual sound. It was punchy and loud and so very Alex that there was no world where Henry could dislike it. But, this new era of his music truly made Henry swoon. He loved how easily it came to Alex, now that Henry was his muse. It made it very hard to remember their agreement.
Henry’s music felt different, too. The normally quiet piano music, or the typical pop sound started shifting. Instead of being focused lyrically and telling himself the music was secondary, he was experimenting. He tried for a more 80s sound, he messed around with the types of beats and techniques Alex used and twisted them to fit into his more pop style. He wrote and he wrote and he found it was all about Alex, about the curve of his waist, about the way he looked when he was on his knees, about what Henry wished they would do, and Alex always obliged.
They found themselves migrating together at any opportunity. A club in Manhattan after a fundraiser they both attended, where they spent the whole night chatting and ended up in the apartment Henry owned there. A hotel room in Austin. A townhouse AirBnB in Nashville. In the front and backseats of Alex’s car. They would always find each other, it seemed. Henry was so in love he could die.
—
Henry awoke to a call from Shaan. That was never good.
“Hello?” He said blearily.
“I apologize for waking you, but there has been a leak.”
Henry sat up. “What kind of leak?”
“Your new song, Naked in Manhattan. Someone leaked the file, and it has blown up quite a bit. Your grandmother is requesting a meeting. When should I tell her you’ll be in?”
Henry took a deep breath. “Um… This afternoon, please? I need some time to prepare.”
“Of course. I’ll text you with the rest of the information when it is set up.”
Henry hated being in London, because all he wanted was to call Alex, but he couldn’t. It was quite early in LA, far too early for a ring. So, he did the only thing he could at that moment. He opened Twitter.
Trending
For You
HENRY FOX
Trending with… LEAK and TOUCH ME
nina @foxyshands
OMG THE BEGINNING IS SO CUTESY
STARRY @starryhen
RIGHT OMG “HII ITS HENRY”
CRYING HENRY LEAK @henryfoxlvr
HI ITS HENRY I KNOW YOU JUST LANDED AND YOURE PROBABLY BUSY BUT I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU CALL ME WHEN YOU CAN 😭 THIS BOY IS SO SMITTEN
saber @queensaber
why did no one tell me henry fox’s music is so horny wdym him repeating “touch me” is a chorus 😭😭
STARRY @starryhen
HES NOT USUALLY HORNY ON MAIN THIS IS SHOCKING FOR ALL OF US TOO
maxxx @henrysgf
if this is what his unreleased music sounds like i wonder what he’s writing that he knows we’ll never see
alenry ceo @foxycdiaz
RIGHT OMG HES PROB GOT SOME CRAZY sh*t IN THE VAULT
maxxx @henrysgf
LMAO “& wallowing (horny version)
www.genius.com/henryfoxleak
[Intro]
Hi, it’s Henry
I know you just landed
And you’re probably busy, but
I would love to see you
So call me when you can
…
[Pre-Chorus]
An inch away from more than just friends
Touch me baby, put your lips on mine
Could go to hell, but we’ll probably be fine
I know you want it, baby you can have it
Oh, I’ve never done it
Naked in Manhattan
[Chorus]
Touch me, baby (Touch me, touch me, touch me, touch me)
Touch me baby (Naked in Manhattan)
…
[Outro]
Won’t you f*cking touch me
I just want to touch you (Naked in Manhattan)
I want all of your love (Naked in Manhattan)
Oh, oh, oh (Naked in Manhattan)
Naked in Manhattan
Those words, the ones he wrote for Alex, the ones he hadn’t even finalized enough to show Alex, they were out now. They weren’t particularly profound, but it still felt like a punch in the gut. He took another deep breath. He straightened his posture, and he got ready to face his Gran.
—
“I must say, Henry, I’m quite disappointed in you.”
Henry’s head was ducked as his grandmother paced. His brother was seated and watching him.
“You know better than to record songs like that. It’s far too inappropriate, it’s not what our label stands for. At least you had the sense to make it neutral enough that there isn’t any sexuality speculation on top of all of this. This is unacceptable.”
“The fans like it,” Henry said, still not looking at her.
“I do not care. We have an image to uphold here.”
Henry looked up to see she had stopped pacing. She was looming over him. Her face was filled with the same disappointment that Henry had grown to know well. He sighed. “I’m sorry, Gran. But maybe now that it’s out, I can put it on the album. We wouldn’t want this publicity to go to waste.”
His grandmother considered it. She sighed as well, then looked towards Philip. “Fine. This may be on the album. But you will be going on another date with a woman of my choice to try and stomp out speculation before it occurs.”
Henry bit his cheek. He hated PR dates. He hated feeling like he was leading on these poor women. And now, he hated that it felt like he was cheating on Alex. But he just nodded, and stood when she dismissed him.
He picked up Alex’s call when he finally awoke.
“Do you want me to come and see you?”
“Please.”
—
“Come with me to my dad’s lakehouse,” Alex said, interrupting the comfortable silence between them as Henry played with Alex’s fingers.
Henry looked over at Alex. He took in the kiss-bitten lips, the red flush that hadn’t quite gone away, the blanket covering his lower body but leaving his pecs visible. He looked at Alex’s
pleading face that he had seen just a few minutes earlier in a different context. He considered the statement. “Are you sure?”
“Think about it; you and me, we could leave earlier and get there before everyone else, us near Lake LBJ in complete isolation. Think of what we could do. We could be naked, have sex anywhere on the property, grill, swim, and then my sister and Nora will join us with my dad, and we can just live. We won’t have to hide. It would be good to get away, you’ve been so stressed.”
Henry’s heart sank. We won’t have to hide. Alex hated the hiding as much as he did, Henry knew it, but the confirmation was painful. Alex didn’t deserve to hide. He deserved to be loved out loud and proudly. Henry could never give him that.
“I’ll think about it. I’m pretty sold.”
Alex grinned and Henry couldn’t help but grin too. He needed to find a way to keep Alex out loud or he needed to flee while he still could.
—
The weekend of the vacation came quickly and Henry found himself on a plane to meet Alex in Austin, where he had been visiting his mom. He saw Alex standing near the exit and wrapped him in a hug. They drove to the lakehouse, music blasting.
Those few days, where Henry and Alex just got to be, without anyone around, without any looming responsibilities or judgment, were some of the best few days of Henry’s life. They lounged around, making use of the jacuzzi in the master bathroom, and went swimming. Laughing and small kisses when they made food, sleeping soundly in each other’s arms.
Nothing about this was casual. And it was hurting to pretend it was, and it was hurting that they could never actually have this.
Their relationship was fleeting, but here, they could pretend it wasn’t.
They sat out on the roof at night, looking at the shimmering stars reflected in the dark water.
They found themselves sharing secrets, things they had never told anyone else, just because they could. Under the night sky, the cover of darkness, it was like nothing else mattered.
“Did I ever tell you that I hooked up with Miguel Ramos?” Alex asked, looking over at Henry.
“Really?” Henry asked. “I thought you weren’t too big a fan of his.”
“No, but I was. We ran in a few of the same circles for a few years, and when I turned eighteen he started to pay more attention to me. I had listened to his music for quite a while, so I was pretty excited. Then when I was nineteen, we were both at this event together and we were both pretty drunk and he kept making flirty jokes. Then, at the end of the night, he propositioned me for real, and I went back to his hotel room. He kept propositioning me afterwards, and I always had such an uncomfortable feeling around him, so he got a little nasty and we didn’t speak again.”
Henry processed what Alex had said slowly. “That… Wasn’t he around thirty?”
“Yeah. It was definitely weird. And he knew me since I was, like, seventeen, so it’s… I think subconsciously I was aware it was weird, even though I craved attention and validation from the musicians I admired.”
“Alex, I’m really sorry that happened to you. I also have some firsthand experience with that sort of thing, although mine wasn’t anyone who was in the public eye. I was seventeen, he was one of my brother’s friends, and I was desperate to try hooking up with a guy, so I took what I could get. Which happened to be someone almost eight years older than me who took advantage of how desperate I was. These people, deep down, are just sad and weak, who want to have power over someone and will use it however they please. It’s not your fault that you admired him or that he took advantage of that.”
Alex laughed a little wetly. “I think I needed to hear that. Thank you. And I’m sorry about what happened to you, too.”
Henry just hummed and stared up at the stars, searching.
“What are you looking for?” Alex had asked, as Henry stared longingly up into the night sky.
“Orion,” Henry murmured. “I don’t know if it’s out this time of year around here.”
“Why Orion?” Alex asked.
Henry tore his gaze away from the open sky and looked into the dark, swirling beauty of Alex’s eyes. He smiled. “My father’s favorite constellation was Orion. He told me, when I was quite young and we were staying with his parents in Wales, that anytime I wanted to feel connected to him, that I just had to look for Orion.”
Alex smiled sadly. “He seems like he was wonderful.”
Henry chuckled a little, eyes brimming with tears as he thought about his dad. “He was. I think he would’ve loved you. Both as an artist and as a person. You really shook things up in the industry, and that’s what he loved.”
“Do you want to tell me about him?” Alex asked, scooching a little closer to Henry and laying his head onto Henry’s chest.
“What do you want to know?” Henry asked, starting to run his fingers through Alex’s curls.
“Tell me about your dad. Not the famous actor, but your dad.”
So, Henry did. He talked and talked for what felt like hours but probably wasn’t even one. Alex would ask questions, would let him ramble on, let him cry as he opened up about things he really hadn’t talked about since. Feeling that open and vulnerable inspired more vulnerability. They sat on that roof for hours, talking about anything and everything they could think of. By the end, Henry was sure no one else knew him as deeply as Alex did.
Casual. What a stupid lie.
—
The next morning, they woke up to loud music coming from the kitchen. It was around noon, as they had gone to bed late, and Alex’s family flew in around ten, so they dragged themselves out of bed quicker than they had all week.
“Henry!” Nora greeted as they made their way into the kitchen.
“Oh, hello Nora, it’s me, your best friend of five years,” Alex grumbled at his lack of a greeting.
“Hush, you’re not as cool as Henry,” Nora grinned.
Henry laughed at the face Alex made. “I’m so cool,” Alex argued.
“Sure, love,” Henry teased.
Alex made an offended noise. “Dad!” He greeted as Oscar walked into the room.
“Hey, mijo! About time you showed your face,” Oscar laughed and hugged his son. “And Henry, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard all about you.”
“Ah, all good things I hope. Lovely to meet you as well,” Henry smiled and shook Oscar’s hand.
June exited one of the bedrooms. “Henry!”
Alex made another offended noise and Henry laughed. “It’s so good to see you again, how are you?” Henry greeted June, who gave him a hug.
“Oh, I’m just great. It’s so good to see you, too,” She said, pulling away. “Hi, Little Bit.”
“f*ck both of y’all,” Alex grumbled at the girls, but let June pull him into a hug and only minimally complained when she kissed his cheek.
“Who’s ready to party!” Oscar cheered.
Days passed in a blur of music and laughter, but Henry couldn’t ignore his underlying dread. Anytime Alex even vaguely alluded to being glad they didn’t have to hide, that pit in his stomach grew.
It would always matter to Alex, the hiding. It would always matter to Henry, the outside world closing in and forcing him to stay in the closet.
He couldn’t keep doing this to Alex.
—
Then the week was over, and Henry was flying back to go on a PR date with some model. And he knew that the hurt look on Alex’s face when he was reminded of this would be his life. He couldn’t ever love Alex out loud, and he was deluding himself if he thought he could.
He tried not to think of Alex as he walked into a restaurant, sitting at the front near a window. Paparazzi had been stationed outside. He sat down in front of the unlucky model with a tight smile. Matilda Windsor was her name, as he’d been informed.
“Hello,” He greeted.
“Hi, it’s so nice to meet you. I’m a big fan.” The memory of himself saying the same to Alex flashed through his mind and he nearly winced.
“Lovely to meet you, as well. I’m sure I don’t need to clarify that this will never be real, correct? I believe my management likes to omit that.” He said, all business.
“No, I was under the impression I was a cover-up,” Matilda said with a laugh. “I’m fine with that, you may just be helping my cover as well.”
And with that, Henry was intrigued. “Oh? Would you wish to tell me more?” He asked, sipping on his water.
Matilda, it turned out, was in quite a similar situation. Queer and unable to come out for an unspecified reason. They ended up going back to hers to discuss, as it didn’t feel like a very public-appropriate conversation. This, however, did send a certain impression to the media, and rumors of Henry’s sex life filled the tabloids for weeks.
“So, you’re with ACD?” Matilda asked, swirling her wine in her glass.
“Well, we’re in sort of a… situationship, as the internet calls it. He knows of my issues with my contract and he knows that I likely won’t ever be able to properly date him, and he claims he’s okay with it, but I’m not quite sure he is.” Henry frowned as he finished the sentence, sipping his own wine.
“I totally called it, though, your little rivalry felt very sexually charged,” Matilda giggled. “I’ve got a girlfriend, but she’s totally out of public view. Her name is Samantha.”
“That’s incredible,” Henry smiled. “If I had a boyfriend, I think my grandmother would immediately sniff it out and murder me.”
Matilda laughed with Henry at the absurdity of the statement and the absurdity that it was true.
“Have you written anything about him?” Matilda changed the subject, obviously not knowing how to continue. Henry was grateful.
“Oh, definitely. I’ve been very productive musically since we started our whole arrangement. Naked in Manhattan is about him, and I have quite a few unfinished projects and lines for things I’ve jotted down,” Henry smiled. “I’ve just been feeling… inspired.”
—
The first time that Henry and Alex really fought was after another PR date that Henry found himself forced into.
“How are you?” Henry had asked when Alex had picked up the phone.
Alex was silent for a moment. “What are we doing, Henry?”
Henry’s stomach dropped. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you come to my dad’s lakehouse and spend the whole week with me, holding my hand and kissing me, making me feel like we have something, and then the minute that you get back to England you’re photographed with some girl. You didn’t even warn me!”
Henry took a deep breath. “I wasn’t aware you wanted me to inform you of my fake romantic escapades, Alex. Would you like to see a copy of my contract next? I mean, if you want to discuss my business moves, you really should be informed.”
“Oh, f*ck off, Henry. I know it’s fake, but it’s at least decent to warn a guy when you’re going to be all touchy-touchy with some random girl.”
“I don’t have a f*cking choice, Alex. Do you think I would be spending my time like this if I could? Not only that, but I wasn’t aware you believed that this was something more than a friendship with sex, I have no obligation to tell you anything.”
“Are you for real? Like, are you going to stick by that sentence?” Alex said, mirthless laughter following. “Because if you truly believe that, maybe we should stop seeing each other.”
Henry’s heart cracked. “Maybe we should.”
“f*ck you, Fox.” Alex hung up.
Of course, it only took about a week before they were meeting for a glass of wine and a chat. Though, not much chatting occurred when they found themselves pressed against the wall of a startlingly clean bathroom wall. They didn’t talk much after either. Whether it was shame or this was all they were, Henry didn’t know.
Henry swore to himself each time that it would be different. They always ended up nude and all over each other before the night was up.
“I can’t do wine anymore. It never is productive.” Alex had said, and Henry had agreed.
“Coffee.”
It took a few awkward meetings where they made boring small talk before either of them
got the balls to apologize.
“Alex, listen. I’m really sorry about what I said to you. I do actually, genuinely care about you so much, but there can never be anything like that between us. I am contractually obligated to do things that I would prefer to not, and I have a clause about dating. If it would be anyone, it would be you.”
Alex looked at him for a long moment. “I’m sorry, too. I was just… upset. Can we try again?”
They once again ended up naked in Alex’s bedroom, this time there were few words exchanged between them. It was a start.
—
Henry could tell that Alex still felt weird about the PR dates, even after their discussions about it.
They had never stated they were exclusive, but Henry hadn’t heard of any escapades from Alex in the months they had been hooking up, and Henry knew he hadn’t seen anyone except for Alex, so it had been a weird change. It felt like it reminded Alex that they wouldn’t be able to go public, and he had been quiet. Henry hated when Alex was quiet.
Henry called Alex, then again when he didn’t answer. Eventually, Alex picked up the phone,
“Hey,” Alex said, sounding upset.
“Hi, sorry, I just hadn’t heard from you yet today. I was a little worried,” Henry felt like he could breathe again the moment that Alex’s voice rang out over the phone.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been busy today. In the studio and sh*t, y’know?” Alex sakd.
“It’s quite alright. I just missed you. I also wanted to apologize about the date. I meant to call you afterwards but we got caught up talking.”
“Henry, it’s alright. I get it.” It seemed Alex was trying to reassure but it just made Henry feel worse.
“Okay. I wanted to ask about your schedule, because I have some free time coming up.”
“I think I’m in and out of the studio for a few weeks. I can probably make some room. What if…”
“What if, what?” Henry asked.
“What if we wrote a song together?”
So, Henry found himself flying out to LA, where he met Alex. They made their way to Alex’s house briefly where they got reacquainted before heading to the studio.
“So, like, what do we want it to be about?” Alex asked once they both had settled onto the couch.
“I brought my notebook, it’s got some things jotted down. Bits of lyrics and things,” Henry pulled out his little notebook that he carried everywhere.
Henry showed Alex a few pages, skipping over the ones that were too obviously about being in love with the man sitting across from him.
“Oh, I like that.” Alex pointed at something in the book and Henry looked to see something he had jotted down after one of their hookups. It had felt a little too real, sitting there where Alex took his time taking Henry apart, leaving him shaking.
“Knee-deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out, is it casual now?”
“Yeah, I thought about expanding on it. We can use it if you’d like.” Henry’s smile was tight. Alex knew what the song was, what the implications were, who it was about. They would have to acknowledge it.
“Let’s both come up with some things for the concept, then. We can piece it together.”
They got to work. It was weird, hearing lyrics that Henry so clearly knew were about himself, and watching Alex do the same. It was even weirder when neither of them acknowledged it, even though the lyrics were very obvious about their true feelings on their arrangement. There was no room for the feelings, not here, not in this growing space between them that was shattering them both.
“I thought you thought of me better, someone that you couldn’t lose,” Henry had scribbled. After clear deliberation, Alex added, “you say we’re not together, so now when we kiss I have anger issues”
That had led them to the chorus. The allusions to the lake house. The unhappy feeling both of them had; the unease, the longing for more but knowing it would never work. Henry felt like his lungs were constricting anytime Alex wrote anything else down.
It continued for a few hours, this game of back and forth they were playing with each other. They bounced ideas and word choices off of each other, until they felt satisfied with the first draft of lyrics. They agreed to abandon it for the time being, as Alex was getting antsy again, and would come back and work on melody and sound the next day.
The day they recorded the audio, Henry’s chest ached with each line that was so clearly about himself, how he made Alex feel, how desperately they both wanted each other. He noticed the same sort of sad acceptance on Alex’s face when it was Henry’s turn to record.
They avoided speaking as they exited the studio. Henry breathed deeply to avoid blurting something embarrassing like a love confession.
Over Thai, they discussed the song.
“So, do you think we should release it as a single? I don’t think it fits the theme of the album I’m working on currently, but I also do quite like it so I don’t want it to sit,” Alex said, a little muffled through the noodles in his mouth.
“I don’t think my management would let me put it on my album, what with Naked in Manhattan already having to go on it. I think I’ll have to keep with just the one sexaul song.” Henry laughed lightly.
“So, a single then?”
“A single sounds alright, yes.”
“Cool.”
STARRY @starryhen
A SURPRISE SONG DROP?? HENRY COLLAB WITH ACD??? WTF IS THIS OMG
mariaaa @musicmari
NO f*ckING SHOT
mariaaa @musicmari
WTFFFF IM IN LOVE WITH THEM
genius.com/casual
[Pre-Chorus: Henry Fox]
You said, “Baby, no attachment”
But we’re
[Chorus: Henry Fox, ACD]
Knee-deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out
Is it casual now?
Few weeks and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach
Is it casual now?
I know what you tell your friends
It’s casual, if it’s casual now then
Baby, get me off again
[Outro: Henry Fox, ACD]
…
I hate that I let this drag on so long, now I hate myself
Hate that Iet this drag on so long, we can go to hell
Clair @wlwacd
this song is literally so painful, henry fox i was not familiar with your game
liz @sapphosrebirth
imagine you’re in a situationship with literally ACD 😟 like ik im a lesbian but if that man even looked at me i would make sure to keep him
—
Henry knew that this thing with Alex was going to have an ending. He had prayed it would be a clean break, that Alex would find someone who would be able to love him the way he deserved and leave Henry in the dust. But of course, Alex would never do something quietly. No, they would die screaming.
“I was thinking about how I’d love to take you around Austin again. But this time, in the city.” Alex had muttered, both of them tiredly clinging to each other, finally having made their way into some sweatpants.
“I’ve heard it’s nice there, from you and others,” Henry yawned.
“Yeah. I was thinking about how I could take you around where I grew up. I could show you where to get the best barbecue you’ve ever had. We could walk through Austin holding hands and covered in spicy sauce and people wouldn’t even know it was us.”
Something twitched in Henry’s chest at that. “We couldn’t.” He cleared his throat. “We couldn’t do that.”
Henry could feel the frown on Alex’s face, even if he wasn’t looking. “What do you mean?”
Henry squeezed his eyes shut. Oh, why couldn’t Alex just hate him again, that was easier for both of them. He had thought about it, how to hurt Alex the least when breaking up. He didn’t want Alex to linger, to pine and wish and wonder. He wanted that fire to swallow the memories of them whole so nothing remained but the foundations. After all, they were built on hatred that was painted over by lies.
“Alex,” Henry pulled away, moving to stand. Alex sat up. “I believed you were under the correct assumption that we are nothing more than a casual fling. This is not, and will never be, more than just hooking up. I don’t know if I led you to believe something different, but I assure you that it was not my intention.”
He waited for the fire, for the rage. He braced for the yelling. What he got instead was worse. “Oh.” Alex’s voice was small. His face filled with hurt. It seemed he was speechless.
Henry fought to remain cool and collected when all he wanted was to scoop Alex up into a hug. They sat in silence until Alex looked up at Henry. Finally, that burning rage seemed to be boiling inside of Alex’s eyes.
“You know what, Henry? You’re a coward.” Alex spat. The words were a gut punch. “You can go protect your heart and be miserable forever for all I care. I’m tired of this weird relationship, sometimes I’m your boyfriend and other times it’s like I’ve never even met you. I’m sick of it. Go be a coward somewhere else, because I don’t want a part in it. I won’t let you drag me down with you anymore.”
Henry closed his eyes for a moment, collecting himself. He couldn’t break down here, not when he was trying to seem uncaring, not when he needed Alex to hate him. “We were never boyfriends, Alex. This is all I promised, and you expected it to be different. It can never be different, and just because you had some false hope that it would be doesn’t mean things will change. This is real life, we don’t live in some fairytale world where we can be together despite the odds, this is the reality. I am a coward, and you are too much of a fool to see what’s truly in front of you. I hope you have a wonderful career.”
He grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his head as he stormed out. He heard a muffled sob through the door and it took all of his willpower to continue out of the house and to his own flat. He finally let himself break down there.
—
It took him until another PR date before Henry truly realized that he and Alex were over.
For some reason, sitting across the table from someone that wasn’t Alex, with no plans to go and see Alex at any point in the future, with no hope of finding anyone like him ever again, it hit Henry full force. He had to go and take a breather in the restroom, leaving his date sipping her expensive wine at the table.
Henry felt the full force of it again and again that whole day, that whole week, for several weeks following. He would pick up his phone in the morning, looking for a text or missed FaceTime from Alex, but there would be nothing. Every morning there was that gut punch.
About two months after they had officially broken up did Henry truly realize it was over, for real this time. They had insisted it was finished several times, and they had always clawed their way back into each other’s lives, but it wasn’t happening this time, Henry could tell. It hurt.
After this revelation, it took several hours of crying in his room before he made his way to his music room. The itch to write overtook any lingering stinging from his earlier tears. Piano chords floated out of him like a second nature, and he recorded a voice note of him singing a first draft of the lyrics. He sat and he wrote until he was proud of what he did.
The first thing that Shaan asked was if Henry was alright. The second thing was if this was going to go on the album, as he thought it would be a hit. The third was the name.
“I think I’ll call it Coffee.”
—
Part of Henry’s morning routine was checking his Twitter account. Not his main one, but the private account that only Pez followed. Alex used to, but he had unfollowed it some time ago. So now, it was just Pez and the ACD stan accounts he followed on his timeline.
Henry swiped to his private and looked at the top tweets. His jaw dropped.
PopCrave @PopCrave
Miguel Ramos talks about fellow artist ACD and the “wild night they spent together” with Vanity Fair
VANITY FAIR @VanityFair
“He really went after me that night, it was a little much…”
Read more about ACD and Miguel Ramos’ relationship in tell-all below!
Pop Base @PopBase
Theories run wild as photos leak of ACD kissing a man!
(Source: Vanity Fair)
[Image Description: A dark and blurry photo of what is clearly ACD kissing a man in a car that cannot be made out]
max | SAW ACD @acdseyelashes
yall does anyone else find it weird miguel is talking abt hooking up with alex when alex was 19 and miguel was literally turning 30 in a few weeks…
sammm @cdfoxy
RIGHT?? like OKAY WEIRDO
VANITY FAIR
Miguel Ramos Tell-All, Wild night with ACD
“I think I wanted to talk about it now because it made me feel icky keeping his secret. He prides himself on being real with his audience and he wasn’t being real, so I wanted to talk about it.”
ACD is a Grammy-nominated pop-punk star who has been known to have a devoted fanbase, and has always talked about priding himself on being real with his fans. Miguel Ramos is a pop singer who came out publicly as queer to large backlash in 2012. How are the two connected?
“Well, we sort of ran in similar circles for a few years. We met back when he was just breaking into the scene, and there was a little bit of flirtation, but of course, I thought he was straight. With all of his claiming that he was so open with his audience, and being queer being such a large part of many people’s identities, I just thought people would know if he was queer.
Then, I think three years ago, we both ended up at the same after-party for some award — I think the iHeartRadio music awards? — it doesn’t matter. We ended up chatting a lot more than we usually did, and we ended up back at my hotel room. He was… seemingly a little inexperienced, but he made up for it with enthusiasm, for sure. I thought maybe it was an in to have some sort of relationship, but he insisted that I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone.
I stayed quiet because he told me to, but it grew increasingly uncomfortable to keep that from his audience. It was like he was lying to them and I was helping to keep the secret.”
Read more with Subscription, $3.99 per month!
ACD @ACDs
i’m bisexual. ur so cool for outing someone u hooked up with when u were literally pushing 30 and he was f*cking 19.
This Tweet has been deleted.
Henry saw Alex’s tweet and immediately was hitting the call button, disregarding the state of their relationship immediately to be there for Alex.
“What do you want, Henry?” Alex asked, voice sounding angry but Henry could hear how forced it was, how apathetic Alex sounded. “Are you going to yell at me, too?”
Henry’s already broken heart fractured even more. “No, I wouldn’t. I wanted to ask how you were.”
Alex laughed, an empty sound. “Oh, just great, Henry. I’m fantastic. The guy who borderline coerced me into hooking up with him just outed me and tried to turn the tables like I had been pining after him. Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
Henry winced. “I’m so sorry, Alex. Is there anything I can do? I don’t care about the state of our relationship, any way I can cheer you up, I will.”
It was then that Alex broke. “Make me forget him, please. Come over and fix me.”
And Henry was there. It didn’t matter that he and Alex were broken up, that this exact thing had been the reason that they stopped conversing in the first place, that they would have to go back to their broken selves the next day. Henry let Alex take what he needed, bend and break him however he saw fit. Anything to make Alex feel good again, even if just for a moment.
As they laid there, sweaty and lost in their own heads, no longer touching, Henry let himself bask in Alex’s presence. He had missed this. He had so desperately missed Alex.
And that feeling was all the reminder he needed of his reality. He took a deep breath and sat up.
“I’d better go.” Henry said, clearly not looking at Alex.
He heard a shaky breath from Alex. He knew he was weak willed when he immediately turned to see if Alex was alright, looking at the broken face.
“Can… Just for tonight, can you stay? Make me feel loved?”
Henry closed his eyes briefly, then leaned down and kissed Alex’s curls. “You are so loved, Alex. You don’t need me to tell you. You are loved by so many.”
“But none of them are you. Not in the way I want. Not enough to stay. Just tonight, I want to pretend.”
Henry was still. How could he ever say no to Alex? How could he go on with the memory of leaving Alex when he was begging to feel normal and loved after such a violent invasion of his privacy.
“Okay, love. Tonight, I’m yours.”
And when the morning light poured through the window, Alex would find himself alone in his bed, the ghost of a kiss on his cheek, the still warm spot where a body had been being his only proof that Henry had ever been there at all.
—
Henry knew that his grandmother was aware the photo leaked of Alex and a man was him. Henry knew that it would lead to repercussions.
“I’m very disappointed in you, Henry.”
Henry had barely walked in and sat before his grandmother started.
“I’m very sorry, Gran.” Henry said, not looking up from his feet.
“There is no widespread speculation that the photos are of you. However, people will pick up on it eventually if we do not do everything we can to quell the rumors. You will be publicly dating someone by the end of the month, but you will pretend you have been dating for longer in private. And you will not be seen with ACD anymore.”
“That won’t be a problem,” Henry muttered under his breath.
“Good, well, do you have any updates on your album? The deadline is approaching.” Mary stirred her tea.
“I have been writing,” Henry shrugged. “I should be going into the studio more frequently.”
“Good. You are dismissed. Make sure you show up for the date with Miss Jones, and look happy about it.”
Henry grimaced as he stood and exited the premises.
—
“ACD on New Single and Upcoming Album Release!
GQ: Hello, folks, and welcome back to GQ! Today we have a very special guest. Truly, he needs no introduction. You probably know him as that artist who has been taking over everyone’s playlists since he was sixteen. Please give a round of applause to ACD, welcome to the show!
ACD: Thanks so much. Please, just call me Alex.
GQ: It’s so lovely to meet you Alex. I’ve been such a fan for a long time.
ACD: Oh, well thank you for the support.
GQ: How about we get into these questions! The first one, you recently released a single with fellow artist Henry Fox. What was that like, and how did you and Henry decide to collaborate?
ACD: Well, me and Henry have been good friends for quite a while. We were just hanging out and I was looking through his notebook where I found a few snippets he had written, and we decided that it would be cool to put it into a song. It just seemed natural to share it.
GQ: In the spirit of the song, do you currently have any sort of relationship or situationship that we should be aware of?
ACD: Oh, not currently. The lyrics are mostly based on our past experiences, not anything recent. I like to wait a little bit before writing a song about someone, it keeps them guessing.
GQ: Ah, a little confusion. Now, shifting gears, you recently came out as bisexual. The people are wondering how true everything Miguel Ramos had to say was. We all saw your response, and it left a lot of people guessing. What do you have to say on the matter?
ACD: (pauses) …Well, truly I have never intended to talk about this. I had the intention to come out, and tell the world about my attraction to men, but I never once thought I would talk about past experiences, especially with Miguel Ramos. I think that… he’s a deeply sad and weak person, who couldn’t handle the fact that I was getting popular. He had information that the rest of the world was not privy to, and he attempted to use it to ruin me. Unluckily for him, I am not ashamed of who I am, and I will embrace the past and what happened, and I will hope that he can find that validation within himself that he so desperately needs.
GQ: In a now deleted tweet, you commented on the age gap between you and Miguel. Would you like to elaborate on the meaning behind that tweet?
ACD: I think what I said stands on its own. So, no, I wouldn’t like to elaborate. And actually, I would prefer if we moved away from the topic of me being outed, it’s not a pleasant topic for me for obvious reasons.
GQ: Oh, uh- of course, we can— Alright, folks, we’re going to open it up to some questions we got from the audience. This one is from Caitlyn on Tumblr, she asks if you could name-drop an upcoming song that you plan to release soon?
ACD: Oh, fine, if you insist. I have a song coming out this friday, it’s called Good Luck, Babe! Everyone presave, link should be in my bio on all of my socials now, go save it!
…”
ACD @ACDs
PRESAVE GOOD LUCK, BABE! LINK IN BIO
abbs @acdshands
GIRL A SONG DROP WITH LESS THAN A WEEKS NOTICE??? WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO
lacey @itzurgirl
is it just me or was that interviewer MAD disrespectful
— beatrice @beasbeas
NO FR like why is he asking those questions?? asking abt how alex got OUTED and wondering why he seems uncomfy???
—— aiden @aidenisbones
stop being parasocial, you don’t know that he was uncomfortable, don’t baby him
——— lacey @itzurgirl
babes stfu
ghost @ghostifer
a song this soon after the last one?? man that mystery boy must’ve f*cked him up bad
[Image Attached: Photo of ACD kissing a mystery guy, source from Variety]
— teds @carrioncarrion
not to sound like a weirdo, but does that other guy look SO much like henry fox to anyone else?? like maybe i’ve just stared at henry for too long but i swear that’s his nose and his upper lip
—— princess pink @pinkysbrain
stantwt is so f*ckING WEIRD can u be normal???
Henry turned off his phone, feeling worse than when he turned it on. He didn’t know what to think about this new song, but he was almost certain that it would relate to him in some way, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.
He spent the week checking his phone, seeing if Alex posted a snippet or a teaser, but there was nothing. Nothing to give Henry just a little bit of clarity. It sort of felt intentional.
Finally, finally, it was Thursday night. It was about the time that Alex’s new single would drop. He found himself refreshing Alex’s Spotify, much like the rest of his fanbase. Then, the song appeared.
It was like a punch in the gut.
flora @florasfauna
DAMN THIS IS BRUTAL
GAYPPL @drainme_
acd rlly came out and made a song for the lesbians thank u for ur service
— renee stan no.2 @goodtit*b1gheart
RIGHT LMAO it went straight on my comphet playlist
hannah ACD RELEASE @musiciansmusings
who hurt him
[Image Attachment:
genius.com/goodluckbabe!
[Intro]
It’s fine, it’s cool
You can say that we are nothing but you know the truth
And guess I’m the fool
With your arms up like an angel through the car sunroof
[Pre-Chorus]
I don’t wanna call it off
But you don’t wanna call it love
You only wanna be the one that I call baby ]
— marlene GLB! @nakedinmanhattan
GIRL U MISSED THE MOST PAINFUL PART
[2 Image Attachments:
[Bridge]
When you wake up next to her in the middle of the night
With your head in your hands, there’s no love left in your life
And when you think of me all of those years ago
You’re standing face to face with “I told you so”
You know I hate to say it, I told you so
You know I hate to say but, I told you so
[Chorus]
You can kiss a hundred girls in bars
Shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling
(I told you so)
You can say it’s just the way you are
Make a new excuse, another stupid reason
Good luck, babe (Well, good luck)
Well, good luck, babe (Well, good luck)
You’d have to stop the world just to stop the feeling
Good luck, babe (Well, good luck)
Well, good luck, babe (Well, good luck)
You’d have to stop the world just to stop the feeling ]
Henry, once again, closed his phone feeling worse than when he opened it. He heard Alex’s voice in his ears as he read the words that so clearly were about himself. He knew that this game he was playing with Alex was selfish, he knew it was cowardly. He had been hurting both of them, clearly, so calling it off had been the right thing to do, but it hurt.
He knew that Alex was right. He would sit miserable and loveless for the rest of his life if he didn’t do something about it. And he had missed his chance to attempt to control the narrative with the love of his life. What was the point anymore? Why would he go through all of the effort if the only one waiting on the other side was himself?
He put his phone down, and ignored the tears stinging his eyes in favor of staring at the wall.
—
Unfortunately, deadlines didn’t move for emotional distress caused by a boyfriend that never was. Henry still had to put the finishing touches on his album.
However, within the writing he found himself fantasizing a happy ending for himself. He wrote a sister song to his leading single, he called them risk and reward respectively. The headliner, risk, was something he had written when entering a relationship with Alex. The fear, the danger, and yet doing it anyway just for a glimpse of the future he might have had, if he wasn’t so much of a coward. It was a longer song, composed mostly of piano and light bass. He ended it on a hopeful but sad note, how it hasn’t ever worked and he’s losing hope, but maybe it could be different.
Truly, it hadn’t worked. He had lost hope and the love of his life in one fell swoop. It wasn’t worth fighting for anymore. But that was quite a sad ending to an album. And what artist hasn’t inflated their tales with a bit of fiction?
The second song, reward, had mostly come to him when he awoke from particularly bittersweet dreams, ones where Alex held him and laughed, where they had a house and a dog. The notes felt like hope. They felt like fighting on their own. The lyrics spun a tale of looking in the mirror and loving what you see, of waking every morning and knowing that you had that which you love and nothing could change it. The conclusion to risk, a conclusion where it was all worth it.
Finally, “risk & reward” was finished, and he was ready to put it out. He fought to allow all of his songs on it, even the more risqué ones, where he sang of wanting and wanting. If he couldn’t fight for his happiness, he would fight for his music.
He set a date, he set up venues for a tour, he lined everything up. He watched as anticipation grew, knowing he did what he could, knowing this album was him being selfish.
He felt like he had won when the album went live.
—
dahlia @ungratefuldead
has anyone checked on this henry fox guy recently?? he seems not okay
maxxx @henrysgf
WTF COLLAB WITH PEZ OMG 😭
STARRY @starryhen
ABSOLUTELY NO SKIPS
[Image Attachment:
risk & reward
Henry Fox
Album • 2024
red wine supernova
too sweet
leonard cohen (feat. Pez)
naked in manhattan
picture you
risk
first time
kaleidoscope
hello my old heart
coffee
reward
July 26, 2024
11 songs • 56min ]
august @moonflwerlvr
HELLO MY OLD HEART??? THAT sh*t HURT BAD
alenry ceo @foxycdiaz
now can i say that so much of this is alenry coded…
— davie @puppyhenry
GET A LIFE
—— alenry ceo @foxycdiax
okay user puppyhenry 💀
People.com
Is Henry Fox alright?
Artist Henry Fox’s new album, while great, is making people wonder. The amount of sad songs greatly outnumber the happy songs. While there is an idealistic ending to the album, the people are asking.
The transition from raunchy songs to ones screaming of heartbreak has his fanbase theorizing on who the mystery girl is that hurt the artist so bad. Or… is it a girl at all.
User @foxycd on Twitter has taken to theorizing that the real person who stole Henry Fox’s heart was fellow artist ACD, who recently came out as bisexual.
alenry ceo @foxycd
I FEAR I’VE FLOWN TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN
— mattie @henlexlvr
classic icarus story, rip sammie
—— alenry ceo @foxycd
HOW DID I GET A PEOPLE DOT COM MENTION???
Viv @goodluckbabe__
I am NOT over Hello My Old Heart
[3 Image Attachments:
“Hello, my old heart
It’s been so long
Since I’ve given you away
And every day, I add another stone
To the walls I’ve built around you
To keep you safe”
“Hello, my old heart
How have you been?
How is it being locked away?
Don’t you worry, in there you’re safe
And it’s true, you’ll never beat
But you’ll never break”
“Nothing lasts forever
Some things aren’t meant to be
But you’ll never find the answers
Until you set your old heart free
Until you set your old heart free
Hello, my old heart” ]
— ms piggy @pinkoveralls
NO FR LIKE OW?? THIS SONG IS SO AROSPEC CODED
Corduroy @musictheorist
my analysis of “risk & reward” and its queercoding
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
the beginning of the album (red wine supernova, too sweet, naked in manhattan, picture you, etc.) are all songs that give relationship, obviously. this, paired with the release of casual, gives the impression that henry was in some sort of situationship
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
it seems that the undertone of this situationship was romantic, however there was obviously a block to stop the relationship from progressing, as heard in risk.
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
risk is henry’s internal monologue as he navigates his feelings for a person through this block, whatever it may be (i personally feel this is very queercoded). he cannot be with this person but he so desperately wants to.
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
the discussion of past relationships is also prevalent, how he hasn’t been able to make things last and how he longs to with the person he is with currently.
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
this leads us to the sort of “act 2” of the album, wherein we get more of the sad, breakup songs. obviously, we can infer that this relationship couldn’t withstand whatever it was that was referenced in risk. but it also didn’t seem to be entirely the end of the relationship
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
coffee taking place after first time seems to imply that the relationship was on and off, that they still had these feelings for each other even after they broke up due to the blockages. kaleidoscope and hello my old heart both are about a reluctance to love, which ties into the point of risk.
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
the album ties up with reward, which begins almost as a reprise to risk, it is in the same key and uses a similar rhythm, except it is a much more free and open instrumental, paired with bittersweet lyrics about seemingly a picturesque future—
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
— about what would’ve happened if it had worked out in henry’s favor. the outro switches to a more melancholic tone with lyrics about trying again. it’s a hopeful track, but a very sad one nonetheless.
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
the inherent queercoding of the messaging, about something keeping henry from this person, and the external pressures that come with having a publicly queer relationship, is something i find very interesting. henry has never spoken on his sexuality, and i am not speculating about it, but the album is very queer
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
the line “could go to hell, but we’ll probably be fine” within naked in manhattan had originally caught my attention when it was first leaked, and within the context of the album, it is even more proof of the queercoding of this album
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
not only the implication of external pressure, but also the implication that henry had been told he might go to hell for this type of relationship in the past or the present, is very prevalent in the queer community and a common line said to queer couples from religious family members
|
Corduroy @musictheorist
anyways, i might expand more later but i do have to study for my exams, i procrastinated long enough. i’m NOT claiming that henry is queer, i want to make that distinction, i just love finding queer subtext in media, its my special interest now BYE
—
Henry thought that after the first time, he would be prepared for what he would do if anything else leaked. He had the experience, he knew what it felt like to have his privacy violated from years of being a public figure, so he had almost come to expect it at this point in his career, especially at the heights he was reaching.
Nothing could’ve prepared him for seeing several different blown up pictures of himself kissing Alex on every corner of the internet.
When Henry awoke, it was to missed calls from Shaan, Bea, Pez, June, and… Alex. That couldn’t mean anything good. Before he worked himself up into a frenzy, he needed to know what was going on.
He opened his Twitter account to see…
f*ck.
Steamy pictures of ACD and Henry Fox leaked!
Is Henry Fox’s new album about ACD?
Henry Fox is Gay!!
f*ck. f*ck.
With shaking hands, he clicked on the missed call from Alex. It rang for what felt like an eternity, before the ringing stopped and Henry heard a shaky breath from the other side of the phone.
“Alex,” Henry said, voice a near whisper, wavering more than he thought it would.
“I’m so sorry,” Alex’s response broke Henry’s resolve, and he could feel the tears boiling over. “Henry, I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”
“No, no,” Henry managed, trying to reassure Alex that he had no fault in this.
“No, it is. It was Miguel, I’m sure of it. If I had… I should’ve never even entertained the idea of going near him in the first place, and he approached me again before my leak, and…” Alex’s voice was choked, and Henry didn’t know what to do from across the country. Alex was in New York, getting ready to play at a music festival, and now this.
“No, the actions of one horrible person do not reflect on you. I would never blame you.”
“But if I hadn’t… I’m just so sorry.”
“I’m not.”
“What?”
“I’m not sorry. I am not sorry that I am in love with you, and I’m not sorry that everyone knows it. I’m so sorry about how I treated you, Alex. It was… It was cruel and I didn’t mean a word of the awful things I said to you.”
“You’re in love with me?” Alex asked meekly.
“That’s what you get from that?” Henry laughed wetly, wiping his eyes. “Yes, love. I’ve been entirely gone on you since we met, and I don’t expect that to change anytime soon.”
“God, Henry, I’m so in love with you, too.”
“This feels like an in-person conversation, I can’t do this over the phone. Send me your hotel and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“What about your grandmother? Your management?”
“They can wait. Nothing is more important to me right now than seeing you.”
So, Henry found himself on the next flight to New York, anxiously fidgeting in his seat. He was never more thankful for the business class dividers, keeping his up for the duration of the flight to make sure no one walked past and recognized him. He didn’t need to add on to any attention he was already receiving.
He made his way quickly out of the plane and through the airport, keeping his head hung low and his hat over his face. The taxi to Alex’s hotel felt much too long. Anytime they stopped in traffic next to another car, Henry’s anxiety grew more and more. He didn’t know how anyone had gotten those pictures, someone had clearly been following them. The paranoia of that thought lingered and gradually got louder at every off glance from any random person he saw.
He knocked on the door to Alex’s room and watched as it swung open, and there he was.
Alex’s eyes were red-rimmed, he looked disheveled. Henry was struck with the realization that this was the first time they’d truly seen each other in months. It was all he could do to stop himself from jumping on Alex, opting instead to open his arms and let Alex pull him inside the room before burying himself into Henry’s shoulder.
The two sank to the carpeted floor of the hotel room and leaned into that oh so familiar feeling of being in each other's arms. Henry had missed Alex desperately. The only thing he could think about was how much he had longed for this moment. Everything else seemed to fall away as he breathed in Alex.
“I’m so, so sorry,” Alex whispered. “I missed you.”
“It’s all going to be fine, love,” Henry said. A promise. He would make sure it was all going to work this time.
It took them a few hours of laying on Alex’s bed, recharging with a bottle of red and a long nap huddled against each other, comfortable in a way that neither of them had felt in months.
“Alex, I want to start by saying that I’m so sorry.” Henry finally broke the silence as both of them sat up.
“You have nothing to be sorry about, this is all my fault.” Alex insisted.
“It is not. And I’m not just sorry about right now. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you twice, this violation of your privacy, especially from someone who once held importance in your life. And I’m very sorry about all that I said to you out of cowardice. I told you that I have loved you since I laid eyes on you, and that was not a lie. Anything else I said was said out of fear. I was trying to find the most effective way to get you to hate me. I thought it might hurt less for you that way, and the feeling of you hating me is one I’m familiar with, so I thought I could handle it.” Henry took a shaky breath. “I realize how stupid it is, but I wasn’t thinking right. I didn’t want to drag you into this, into the mess that is my life and career. You deserve so much better than being someone’s dirty secret, and I could see how much it hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
Alex looked at him for a moment, before pulling him into another hug. “Henry, I want you however I can have you. I don’t care about your stupid contract or being a secret if it means I can be yours. It hurt more than anything to be away from you for so long. I’m sorry about what I said as well. I was hurt and angry, and I said the things that I knew would hurt you the most. You are not a coward. In fact, I think you’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met. You were thrust into unknown territory with so many eyes on you, and you had just lost your father, so many people wouldn’t have been able to survive that. But you did, and that is something I will always be proud of you for.” Alex had pulled back and cupped Henry’s cheek sometime during his speech, and both of them stared at each other with teary eyes.
Henry just nodded, not knowing what to say. Alex held his gaze. “Where do we go from here?”
“I think the first question to be asked is do you want to be my boyfriend? Like, officially?” Alex asked, and Henry laughed lightly.
“Of course I do. I would love nothing more. Whatever you will give me, I will take.”
“Good. We’re boyfriends, then. Next order of business is what do you want to do about the leak?”
“I don’t want to lie anymore.” Henry said firmly. “Not about this. Not about you.”
“Then we won’t lie.”
“I don’t think we should confirm or deny anything just yet, though. I want to do it right, and I want to do it our own way, not because someone forced it out of us. I will speak to my grandmother and we can do this independently of the leak.”
Alex smiled. “Such a sap. Do you want me to be there when you speak to your grandmother?”
“If you are comfortable with it, I would love for you to be there.”
“I’m great for moral support. We’ll face her together, baby.”
Henry laughed. “I missed you calling me that.”
“What, baby?” Alex asked with a grin, clearly loving the way that Henry’s face reddened. “You’re so cute when you get all red, baby.”
Henry covered his face with his hands. “Stoopp,” He borderline whined.
“Stop what, baby? I don’t know what you’re talking about, baby,” Alex pulled Henry’s hands from his face, and Henry surged forwards to seal their lips together.
A moment later, they broke apart, and Henry started to panic. “Sorry, was that too much? I should’ve asked.”
Alex just grinned and kissed him again. They both broke into giggles as they pulled apart, and Alex pulled Henry into him again.
“Come to my show tomorrow.”
“I’ll be there,” Henry kissed Alex’s shoulder.
—
One thing that Henry had always loved was seeing Alex in his element. It had been one of the things that had drawn Henry to Alex all of those years ago; the clips of Alex on stage, singing and dancing his heart out. He had incredible stage presence, with confidence and energy that it took Henry hours of working himself up to.
Henry was at the back of the venue, in the tent made for celebrity attendees. There were a few, as it was New York, and Alex lived part time here, so he had quite a few celebrity friends that wanted to attend. The opener was great, as Alex had handpicked the smaller indie band himself, and Alex had immaculate music taste from years in the industry, but Henry’s heart soared when he saw Alex step out onto the stage.
Immediately people were screaming, chanting, holding up their signs as they rushed forwards. Alex just laughed and launched into one of his first songs, entitled B.I.L.L.S.
Henry watched for an hour and a half, cheering and singing, grinning widely as Alex’s gaze kept meeting his own. It was nearing the end of the show, when Alex usually would play a surprise song.
“I have a surprise for you, New York! Do you want to know what it is?” Alex’s question was answered by raucous cheers from the crowd as he took deep breaths from the high energy performance. “Okay, so this song goes out to that one guy that I hooked up with when I was nineteen. My name is ACD. I’m your favorite artist’s favorite artist. And I’m going to serve exactly what you are. c*nt!”
Screams started again as music started to play and Alex near-strutted back to his mic stand. Henry screamed along with the crowd.
“This one’s called My Kink is Karma!”
—
Henry found himself being escorted backstage after the concert ended as the concertgoers were filling out of the venue. Security opened what must’ve been Alex’s dressing room, and Henry made his way inside.
There stood Alex, still covered in sweat and body glitter, and Henry couldn’t stop himself from launching himself into Alex’s arms.
“You were so amazing, love,” Henry said with a smile as he pulled away from the hug. “That new song was incredible.”
“Thanks,” Alex said bashfully. “It’s probably the most direct I’ve been about who a song is about, which was a little scary.”
“You’re just so incredible.”
The two found themselves wound in each other’s arms the next morning, both happier than they had been in a long time.
—
logan @candisweets
AND f*ck MIGUEL RAMOS
MATTY @matsb
i have never followed acd wtf do u mean he dated miguel ramos when he was nineteen i KNEW that guy was f*ckin weird
jinxy @foxcdlvr
HENRY WAS AT THE SHOW LAST NIGHT AND ALEX KEPT SMILING AT HIM THEYRE SO CUTE
remu(s) ! @corneredconfessions
kink is karma needs to come out NOW im so obsessed with it, i already know all the words, f*ck MIGUEL RAMOS
—
Unfortunately, Henry knew he couldn’t live in this bubble with Alex forever. There was a brief break between Alex’s tour dates, so they spent the day together in New York. Henry knew his phone had been off for far too long, though, so when they got back to the hotel he was bombarded with notifications dating back to when he had gotten onto the plane.
He saw quite a few messages from Pez, a few from Bea, quite a few from Philip, a text from Shaan to call him when Henry saw it, and none from Mary. Wonderful.
Alex was in the shower, so Henry called Shaan.
“Henry.” Shaan’s voice came from over the phone. He sounded stern.
“Hi, Shaan. Um… Sorry?”
“Your grandmother has requested a meeting with you. Philip nearly had an aneurysm when you were spotted in New York. I’ve held down the fort as best I can, you’ll need to return to LA as soon as possible.”
“Thank you, Shaan. I just… I needed to see him. We’ll be there soon.”
“Thank you. Now, call your sister, she’s been worried sick.”
Henry was waiting anxiously as Alex exited the shower, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Alex’s curls were still wet and it almost distracted Henry from the matter at hand. It wasn’t enough, though.
“So…?” Alex asked.
“We have a meeting with Gran. We need to fly out to California soon. That is, if you still want to come.”
“Of course I want to come. I’ll follow you anywhere, baby. When’s the next flight out?”
“Gran is sending her private jet, she says we’ve made enough of a statement.”
Both Alex and Henry disliked the idea of going on a private jet, but they knew that the longer they waited and the more that they disobeyed, the worse it may be for Henry in the long run. So, they found themselves on the airstrip, loading into the plane.
As they grew closer and closer to LA, Henry’s nerves increased. Alex picked up on it immediately, grasping Henry’s hand and trying to distract him by talking about some musician that Henry had never heard of. It worked to get Henry out of his head, if only for a short while. Henry found himself wondering how Alex could always just mystically make him feel better, no matter the situation, just by being there.
That thought stuck with him as he thought about the situation at hand. He knew he had to fight to keep this. He couldn’t let Alex go now, not again.
With a newfound confidence, he and Alex found himself standing in his grandmother’s office.
“Henry.” Mary started. “I was sincerely hoping that those photographs were faked. Seeing your little tryst and the fact that he is here, is it a fair assumption to say that they are real?”
Henry took a deep breath. “Yes, Gran. The photos are real. Alex and I are in a relationship.”
Mary leaned back in her chair slightly, but kept her posture stick straight. “Very well. It is not too late to spin them as fake, however. If we make a statement now and ensure that the two of you are not seen together for a few months, this will die down. I will have Tommy start drafting a statement.”
Mary was talking as if the meeting had been settled, like she could bulldoze over the conversation. Henry supposed she had in the past, and it had worked. Henry had never quite stood up for himself to her, at least not to something of his magnitude.
“No.” Henry said firmly, gripping Alex’s hand.
“No?” Mary asked, shooting Henry a look.
“No. I will not be denying the photos, and I will not be hiding from this. I have made up my mind, and there isn’t anything that can change that. Alex and I love each other, and I will not let you force me into living a lie any longer.”
Mary looked amused. “Henry, dear. You forget your place. Taking a look at your contract with our company, I own you. You will do as I say, or there may be legal repercussions.”
“Will there? I happen to remember a myriad of people that you have personally wronged, a few of which have already attempted legal action against your unethical conduct. Many of them have only been stopped because of a lack of evidence. I, on the other hand, have years of evidence.” Henry leaned forwards, staring dead into Mary’s eyes. He hoped he looked more confident than he felt.
“Is that a threat, Henry?”
“It is just the truth. The way I see it, you have two options. Either I break my contract, let you sue, and then I countersue and take all of your practices to the public, or we do this quietly, and I never speak a word of it. I’m sure the tabloids and gossip sites would love to see all the copies of my contracts over the years, there’s some pretty illegal stuff in there, as well as the dozens of people I have on speed dial who would testify against you in a heartbeat. Or, I will be let go from my contract with no contest within, let’s say, a month.”
Mary was looking at Henry, stunned. Henry had thought about this, he had been thinking about this, even if he tried to ignore it in favor of doing what he had always done. He couldn’t end things with Alex, and he was dead set on making sure Alex wasn’t a secret anymore. He didn’t deserve that.
Mary cleared her throat. “Well… it seems you have left me little choice.”
“You have always had a choice, Gran. I hope you make the right one.”
Silence filled the room. Alex squeezed Henry’s hand briefly, looking over at his boyfriend with a smile.
“You will be released from your contract as soon as I can arrange. It will be within the next few weeks. After that, you may do as you please. I do not want to see you after that.”
“Perfect, as I wasn’t planning on seeing you anytime afterwards either. Glad we cleared this up, goodbye Gran.” Henry stood, then strutted out of the room. Alex was hot on his heels. The moment they walked into the empty lobby, Alex spun Henry to face him and their lips were pressed together.
“That was so hot, baby. I’m so proud of you.” Alex said, cupping Henry’s cheeks.
“Thank you, love. I should have done that much sooner. I love you.”
“Love you more,” Alex grinned.
“I believe that’s up for debate.”
“Oh, baby, don’t get me started.”
—
The news that Henry had stopped working with Mountchristen Production & Management created quite a stir within the music community. There were rumors that it was due to the leak and Mary’s past (rumored) hom*ophobic behavior. Henry kept up his end of the bargain and didn’t speak on the topic.
Being an independent songwriter was somewhat freeing, in his opinion. He loved being able to write without someone dictating what was too much to put into his art. He felt more free to experiment in a way that he hadn’t been able to before. And it also meant that he could be with Alex.
His latest album was the truest to himself that he had ever been so publicly. It terrified him, for that vulnerable piece of himself being up for anyone to see and scrutinize, but it was also incredible to know that so many people saw him in a way that they hadn’t been able to in the past and liked it.
And oh, beautiful, wonderful Alex. Henry’s boyfriend, who Henry was free to follow around on tour, go on little outings with, and people knew that they were at least hooking up, but it didn’t drop his numbers. In fact, he gained a whole new fanbase, one that he hoped was open and accepting. He had always been big with queer people, but now he was even more ingrained into the culture and it was a beautiful feeling.
When Henry got a Grammy nomination for risk & reward, it wasn’t entirely unexpected due to the popularity of the album and the many people picking apart the lyrics. The reception had been great, and the leak had bolstered its popularity. However, it did present Henry with an opportunity.
Cameras flashed as Henry exited the car, holding the door as Alex climbed out behind him. Henry shut the door and offered his arm to Alex, and the two of them posed on the red carpet for a few photos before Henry was pulled into the press circuit.
“I’ll see you inside,” Henry said, pressing a kiss to Alex’s cheek as the flash of a camera caught both of their peripherals.
“Good luck, baby,” Alex smiled, then turned and entered the building.
Henry took a moment to watch Alex go, before he turned on his press smile and walked, allowing himself to be ushered to the people with microphones.
“Henry Fox!” Said an interviewer that Henry recognized from a few past events.
“Hello, James, how are you?” Henry smiled.
“Oh, I’m great! Better now talking to you. You’ve got a lot going on recently, huh?”
“Oh, yes. Quite the eventful month,” Henry laughed.
“This is the first awards show that we’ve been to where you’ve been unaffiliated with a production company, how does it feel?”
“Honestly, it’s quite freeing. I have no one to filter my art anymore, just myself. Of course, nothing against my previous label, I’m just enjoying the rush as of now.”
“Oh, I forgot to congratulate you on your new album! How does it feel?”
“It’s always such a pleasure to release my music to the world. This album was a lot more personal and vulnerable than a lot of my other albums. I was able to get away with some pretty raunchy lyrics and some more experimental types of instrumentals, and that added onto deep seated insecurities and my grief really added to the vulnerability of the project, but I really do love it. I think it’s my best one yet.”
“That’s wonderful, congratulations! Now, we only have time for one more question. What is your favorite song at the moment?”
“Ah, my favorite song at the moment is not yet released, but it’s called So American, so watch out for that.”
“Thank you so much, Henry.”
“Thank you, James, always a pleasure.”
—
Henry found his seat next to Alex after he was done doing the press, letting himself relax as he held Alex’s hand under the table.
The two quietly chatted as everyone found their seats, waiting for the announcements to begin. They dropped their clasped hands to clap for each winner. As they grew closer for the categories that Henry was nominated for, both of them grew more and more excited. Their plan was dependent on Henry winning, but they did have a backup in case.
“Now, for the category of Best Album! Our nominees in this category are… Henry Fox, Olivia Rodrigo, and Noah Kahan, every give it up for them!” The audience clapped and cheered. Henry smiled as a camera focused on him.
“Now, the winner of the Best Album 2024 is…” The dramatic music played as the camera cut between the nominees. “Henry Fox!”
Cheers erupted and Henry stood, Alex cheering beside him, grinning wildly as Henry made his way onto the stage.
He accepted the handshakes and hugs from the presenters and took the award in hand. He walked up to the mic stand and adjusted it.
“Wow, this is… Thank you, everyone, for this incredible award. Especially on such a personal project of mine, this feels incredible. I have… so many people I would like to thank, starting with my father for instilling a love of music into me from a young age. I wish he could be here to see this, he would absolutely freak out.” A few laughs could be heard from the audience. “I would also like to thank my sister, best mate Pez, and manager for dealing with my voice notes late at night, asking about the songs in great detail at the early hours of the morning, and dealing with all of that self-doubt. And lastly, I would like to thank my wonderful boyfriend, Alex, for being there for me. I love you. And look out for ACD’s new album the lakehouse coming out on November 6th!”
Cheers erupted as Henry stepped away from the podium, making his way down the stairs and into the audience where he kissed a waiting Alex deeply. More cheers emanated as they pulled apart and grinned.
No longer secret, Henry allowed himself to scoot closer to Alex, to hold his hand over the table, to love him loudly and openly. It was what Alex deserved, and Henry could finally give it to him without shame.
—
Henry and Alex had several conversations about the contents of Alex’s new album before it was announced. Most of the songs were written and recorded during their break up, which meant that Alex worried they could paint Henry in a bad light.
“Don’t censor your art, love. It was how you were feeling at the time, I don’t hold it against you.” Henry kissed Alex’s cheek.
“It just feels like people might take it wrong. Maybe I should shuffle the order?”
“Whatever you want to do with it, I will back you. You can even explain the context if you wish to, or we can just let our very public appearances do the talking for us.”
Alex sighed. “Yeah. The world isn’t owed our business, I suppose. I don’t know, I’ll think about it. I do want you to listen to it, though. Y’know, tell me if anything is too far, I don’t want you to feel insulted or whatever. I was just upset.”
“If it will give you peace of mind, I will listen to it, love. I’m sure it’s incredible, and I would be honored to have you play it for me.”
In the end, Henry switched a few lines to appease Alex, and the order of the album stayed the same. Henry was there with Alex when the album went live, celebrating with him. They posted an Instagram story of them cheering at midnight with the caption “Stream the lakehouse!” and a link to the newly released album.
—
STARRY @starryhen
i cant believe we’re living in the timeline in which henry fox and acd had a messy situationship, wrote a literal song abt it together, broke up, got back together, and then each released albums about it. WTF
SAmMie @henfoxacd__
EVERYONE STREAM THE LAKEHOUSE
[Image Attachment:
the lakehouse
ACD
Album • 2024
so american
new romantics
guilty pleasure
down bad
mirrorball
i can do it with a broken heart
good luck, babe
so long, london
lbj
california
kink is karma
April 6th, 2024
11 songs • 42min ]
Corduroy @musictheorist
corduroy back at it again with the too long music analysis threads, i should make a youtube channel at this point. thread abt the lakehouse by ace and how it ties into risk&reward!
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Corduroy @musictheorist
SO starting off, this album begins with romantic songs, like so american and new romantics. they’re both songs abt acd in a seemingly new relationship, where he is in love but he hasn’t said it yet. also hes in a relationship with a british person, as seen by so american and so long, london
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Corduroy @musictheorist
after guilty pleasure, we get to down bad. this is the first of the breakup songs. this song is about how acd is in love with this person, and he feels no point in still going on afterwards.
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Corduroy @musictheorist
this album seems to be a lot about acd’s insecurities, and it is much more pop than a lot of his other albums, probably bc of the way he feels that he has to keep changing and entertaining the people’s ever changing idea of a good album.
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Corduroy @musictheorist
mirrorball, california, and lbj are all about his insecurities and trauma from abandonment, how he feels he has to be someone else to make it or to make people stay
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Corduroy @musictheorist
mirrorball is about how he feels that he is just reflecting off of those around him, how he is just living to entertain and he doesnt know who he is separate of that. california is similar, but in a career way instead of a personal way.
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Corduroy @musictheorist
it’s clear that alex has quite a lot of fear and trauma around abandonment, and he touches on this in lbj. the song begins with acd recounting memories that he has at a lakehouse (callback to the album title omg) in lake lbj (there is a parents house mentioned in casual as well, same one prob).
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Corduroy @musictheorist
so it starts with acd talking about all of these positive memories he has in the lakehouse at lbj, beginning with going there in his youth, when they were all still a family. “when we had yet to fall apart”, aka the divorce of his parents etc. the piano becomes slower and more somber as the song progresses as he talks about being abandoned.
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Corduroy @musictheorist
the song takes a less joyful melody, transitioning into a slower tempo but staying in major key, not unhappy but feeling a little bittersweet. there are some key mess ups on the chords to leave us feeling slightly uneasy. the lyrics discuss a time there with a lover (prob henry), he talks about telling secrets, laughing, feeling alive.
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Corduroy @musictheorist
then the transitions again, slower and it becomes a minor key, as acd talks about abandonment, being left at lake lbj, being too much to handle, and losing the love of his life.
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Corduroy @musictheorist
this ties into risk & reward because henry talks about leaving behind his love for a sense of duty, and how he cannot open up properly in order to get his lovers to stay so he leaves before he can get hurt. it can be inferred that henry and alex spent some time together at lake lbj and conflict arose and this was the first time they broke up.
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Corduroy @musictheorist
this is followed by good luck, babe, which seems to be a song about ignoring ones queerness if favor of comfortability, doing what you’ve always known. henry had left alex because he couldn’t be in a queer relationship (granny mary’s alleged hom*ophobia?)
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Corduroy @musictheorist
after this, we get so long, london. OUCH. this song has like such well crafted lyricism it hurts so much like damn. but basically, alex felt entirely unloved in this relationship, he couldn’t tell how true any of it was, and he tried but he couldn’t make it work. “and you say i abandoned the ship but i was going down with it, my white knuckled dying grip holding on tight to your quiet resentment” OW??
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Corduroy @musictheorist
im going a little out of order bcz a few of those tied into each other, but then we get to the final song, kink is karma. this song is about acd’s relationship with miguel ramos, basically its a roundabout way of saying go f*ck yourself and hes so real for that.
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Corduroy @musictheorist
acd and miguel ramos at least hooked up when acd was 19 and miguel was 29, and he was a well established and admired artist, so a very weird power dymamic, and then he outed acd earlier this year, so basically f*ck him. the song is a silly way to say that alex is thriving while miguel’s popularity has dropped and alex is enjoying it thoroughly. as he SHOULD.
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Corduroy @musictheorist
so basically, my inferred timeline is that alex and henry got together, they both fell in love, henry couldn’t be with alex because of mary’s (alleged) hom*ophobia, they broke up but they kept hooking up after (see: coffee), then they re-broke up after that. then we can only assume sometime from then to the grammys they officially got together again. love that.
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Corduroy @musictheorist
closing thought: I WASNT WRONG ABT R&R BEING QUEERCODED YES, and also obligitory f*ck miguel ramos
